I said I’d talk more about why I was starting this blog…this is one of the main reasons…

I grew up in the 80s and 90s…being gay was really not OK in my world back then…it was weird at best, something to ridicule if you were a harmless camp old queen☆ like Kenneth Williams or Frankie Howerd…at worst, it was depraved, perverse, shameful…and of course, when HIV and AIDS hit the headlines, it was a deadly scourge…

THAT kiss, Anna Friel (swoon) and Nicola Stephenson had as Beth & Margaret on Brookside happened in 1994…I was 17 and it was the first ‘mainstream’ lesbian kiss, that is, it was shown before the watershed…It is the only lesbian kiss I remember seeing until Willow & Tara in Buffy…7 years later!

I’m pretty sure there were others…I have vague memories of Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit being on TV, but they are mostly of a squirming discomfort in case my parents thought I was too interested…and abject horror because here was all I feared…disgust, rejection, attempts at curing homosexuality…

And there was Queer As Folk too…but by then I was in a relationship with a man, deeply in denial and avoided anything overtly ‘gay’ with steely determination…I’d persuaded myself I wasn’t gay, I couldn’t risk the cracks that might appear in my carefully constructed closet if I let myself explore it…The Buffy thing was accidental, I was hooked on the series so I couldnt just turn away…

And I never saw the L Word, until I came out and my friends insisted I binge watch it as a rite of passage…but that’s another story…

Let’s skip to the end…it still frustrates me that queer☆ people are still so poorly represented in general media…I’ll talk another time about how unsatisfactory some portrayals are…how even when the queers are visible, it’s almost always white gay men…

So, in my own small way, I’m beginning to be the person I needed when I was younger…

The lesbian who looks ‘a bit gay’ but not necessarily butch…the femme/butch divide is a whole other issue for the future…

The lesbian who holds hands with & kisses her wife in public…not graphic PDAs you understand – the kind of quiet, everyday intimacy that cis-het☆ couples take for granted…

The lesbian who will say what she is at the pub, at work, on the school run…because she knows what she is, she’s not ashamed and she knows that one day, there might be a little girl or a confused teenager who just needs to see that there are other humans like her in the world…and it’s OK…

Of course, it’s not only young lesbians I want to reassure…

When we are visible in our difference, we give others permission to be different…we encourage everyone to learn about, understand, accept, and respect differences…I’ll talk about the importance of intersectional inclusivity another day too…

That’ll do for today, I want to keep things fairly short & sweet for now…

So, please, whoever you are, whatever you do, find a way to be the person the younger you needed in their life…be seen, be heard, be kind…

Love, Lx

☆I’ll write about some of these words soon

This is not, in fact, a blog about how to be a lesbian.

I’m going to say this loudly for those at the back…YOU CAN’T CATCH LESBIANISM…Also, you can’t be taught, coerced or persuaded to become a lesbian…

You are, or you are not…

Can you read this blog if you’re not? Hell, yeah!

Am I the world authority on being a lesbian? Hell, no!

So, first up, let’s agree that I do not speak for every lesbian/queer woman/gay girl/woman who loves women…I am not THE voice of the LGBTQ*/Queer community…

This is my blog, my thoughts, fears, joys & more…I am my own voice, I speak for myself and I may speak up for others, stand up for others but never assume I believe I know how anyone else feels – because I don’t…I can’t…I can empathise, imagine and relate…

I hope, don’t we all, that sometimes you’ll hear a little of yourself in my voice, share an experience, understand why I say or do what I say or do…

I’m not interested in changing you or your ideas, opinions or beliefs…you’re entitled to yours, as I am to mine…

That said, this is a public forum, so by it’s very nature, it invites comment…

Please keep yours respectful…if you have an opposing view, I invite you to share it…please do so without hateful, derogatory or personal language…After all, you get a snapshot of me here, you don’t know me through this blog, you know only what I’m willing to share…knowing me requires meeting me, and earning my trust…I won’t presume to know you either…

Be kind… friendly, respectful debate is welcome here but make no mistake, I won’t tolerate hate here, any hate comments will simply be deleted, and if you are hateful in your comments, I will report you… if you want to offer a different opinion or share an opposing belief, keep it kind…

I’m not new to blogging, but I am new to blogging about this…and I’m notoriously sporadic…so forgive me if there’s ever a lack of new content…and if there’s something particular you’d like to read about, from my perspective, hit me up and I’ll give it a go!

In the meantime, it’s a beautiful sunny day and I’m off to make the most of it with my beloveds…I hope the sun is shining on you today too, metaphorically if not that glorious fireball in the sky…

Love, Lx